Punchbowl Blog

In the past couple of weeks, I’ve had a few spirited debates with some of my most trusted advisers. In each of the conversations, we had substantially opposing points of view. I’m surrounded with some *very* smart people, so any point of view that’s presented is usually very well thought out and stems from years of experience. However, when two smart people debate, there is often disagreement. As the CEO of a startup, it’s really important for me to listen to the opinions of those around me. But at the end of the discussion and debate, I have to make a decision — and I want to make sure that the entire company is behind me. So what happens when we don’t agree?

In these situations, I’ve found that there is really only one solution. It may sound trite, but it’s an important concept: you simply have to agree to disagree. What does that mean and what should you do? Here’s my list of the things to do when you agree to disagree:

1. First, and most importantly, you have to end the discussion. When the discussion gets to an impasse, it doesn’t help to keep debating. Agree to disagree and then move on quickly.
2. Make sure the other person feels like they have been heard. Say things like, “I hear your point of view, and I see your logic.” That will go a long way to helping everyone move on after the conversation has ended.
3. Show respect for the other person. Say “I really respect the time and energy that you’ve put into this discussion, but let’s agree to disagree.
4. Don’t revisit the topic again: it’s unlikely that a new discussion will result in a different outcome, so don’t enter into another debate about the same topic. Agree to disagree and move on.
5. Document both points of view shortly after the discussion ends. Whether you jot down notes or send a follow-up email, it’s important to try to capture the salient points of each person in the conversation
6. Admit when you’re wrong: if you agree to disagree and then later figure out that the other person was right, it’s important to admit that your point of view was wrong or flawed. This builds trust and better understanding — which is very important in any relationship.
7. Use humor: at the end of a debate it’s important to try and clear the air. I’ve always found that humor can help in these situations. Use wit and humor to help move the conversation to another topic.

What did I miss? Do you agree with my list? If not, let’s agree to disagree - and please post your thoughts in the comments.

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This entry was posted on November 13, 2008 at 9:58 am and is filed under Company Culture. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.