You should read this post
A few times everyday, someone tells me (either in person or by email) that I should do something. A few examples:
- “You should go to this upcoming event.”
- “You should really meet this person.”
- “MyPunchbowl really should have this feature.”
- “You should check out that site.”
- “You should partner with that company.”
I’m fine with someone making a recommendation, and I love when people share new and interesting things with me. But I don’t like it when others assume to know my priorities and insert their beliefs with the simple word “should.” Wouldn’t the world be a better place if we removed ”should” from the dictionary?
I’ve been thinking a lot about this recently as more and more customers have written in to tell us what MyPunchbowl “should” do. With almost any feature in MyPunchbowl, I can think of a user who told us exactly how they think the feature “should” work. But as with all software design, there’s much more than what meets the eye. It’s hard to explain the nuances of a particular feature implementation to a customer over email, but often there is a very good reason why the feature works the way it does. When a user tells us that the feature “should” work a certain way, it’s usually a clear signal that they haven’t looked at the problem comprehensively.
I was thinking about writing this post today, when I came across a post from my friend Dharmesh Shah titled “Why You Should Attend Business of Software 2008 in Boston.” I know that Dharmesh is well-intentioned, but his post would have been a lot more effective if it was called “10 Great Reasons to Attend Business of Software 2008 in Boston.” With that title, I’d be more intrigued to learn about the conference. The conversation would start from a point of excitement and interest. I wouldn’t feel the need to defend my decision not to go to the conference.
Yes, I suppose there are a few things that you “should” do in life. Most people would agree that you should pay taxes, and you should brush your teeth. But doesn’t it feel better to encourage someone to brush their teeth because of the health benefits versus saying “you know, you really should brush your teeth.”
Look back at the title of this post — how did you feel when you read “You should read this post.” Wouldn’t it have been more effective if I wrote “I hope you’ll read this post”? (And for the record, I hope you’ve read this far, and I hope you’ll continue to read my blog.)
Am I wrong? What would happen if we removed “should” from the dictionary? Are there cases where the word “should” is appropriate? Would love to hear your thoughts in the comments.
July 21st, 2008 at 2:43 pm
Your post made me smile. Not because I thought it was funny, but I can totally relate to feeling of “Oh really? I SHOULD, should I?” I owned a small business (indoor play facility for parents and children) and I cannot tell you how often that was the way an idea was phrased to me. In my opinion, much like yours, I felt as though they started off on the wrong foot before they even got their idea to me. If it was presented to me in a different fashion, it would be a different story. I agree - the word SHOULD can be deleted from the world without an argument from me!
On a totally different note - I really have enjoyed exploring mypunchbowl. I am a party planner and am just starting a party planning blog (with ideas and solutions to parties for ALL occasions). I have just started this blog and you are the first link I have. I have used other invite websites before, and they were fine….but yours is really way more on my level of planning. Thanks so much!
July 21st, 2008 at 6:12 pm
You’re not wrong at all.
I struggled with that particular post (because, it was one of those rare cases where I wanted to bring value to something that brought value to me).
The “you should do X” is not a particularly compelling argument. If I had a $1 for every “you should do this…” opportunity that comes my way, I could fund my next few startups.
Thanks for calling me out. Both deserved and welcomed.
Regards,
Dharmesh
July 23rd, 2008 at 9:18 am
I have to disagree with you Matt, although, I understand the sentiment. The problem is not the word should. It is the poor language logic used around that word. (I think I just invented the phrase ‘language logic’.) Should is a conditional word. The use of it demands a conditional statement.
“You should blank, if you blank.”
Your examples of acceptable uses of should are based on commonly accepted, implied, conditional statements.
“You should brush your teeth, if you don’t want them to decay.”
Generally, your bad examples don’t have clear, (or commonly accepted) implied, conditional statements.
“You should check out that site, if you are interested in language logic.” - But I am not!
A few more notes:
1. The idea that we need to stamp our opinions with opinion language is flawed and unwieldy.
“It is my opinion that you should go see Hellboy if you want to see a bad movie that looks good.”
When I speak it is inherent that it is with my opinion. When I write it is the same. Your english teacher should have marked you down for including “it is my opinion” or “I believe/think” in any essay.
2. You get mad at people who presume to know your priorities. There is no reason for this. It is all great feedback. I have often found that understanding why somebody is wrong is as important as how they are. And it is just as valid in most evaluations. I imagine this even exaggerated in the public software world where understanding the thinking involved in “your site should have…” is important even when your site should not have.
Another great blog,
BX Blakelyn
August 13th, 2008 at 12:02 am
As a business analyst, I rolled my eyes over the “It’s hard to explain the nuances of a particular feature implementation to a customer… it’s clear they haven’t looked at the problem comprehensively” part. We pop our developers on the nose with a rolled-up newspaper for that kind of nonsense and make them sit and watch usability tests from behind the mirrored wall (a closed-circuit TV, actually). Unfortunately, logic is merely a perception. Customers can be complete webtards sometimes… but that’s who we’re building stuff for. For better or for worse, the “shoulds” often win out.
Don’t intend to be bustin’ your chops. I know you’re venting. And, trust me, you don’t know just how much I feel your pain.
As for the presumptively helpful “you should”… I’ll take it over a critical “why didn’t you” any day of the week.